Helen Harrison, a highly experienced Marriage Counsellor, has kindly shared some tips around successfully being a couple in business – something which is often common in small businesses. Have a read; she’s shared some excellent advice.
Running a business together can be one of the most rewarding experiences a couple shares. You build something from the ground up, celebrate wins together, weather challenges side by side and understand each other’s pressures better than anyone else. But it can also create one of the biggest threats to your relationship.
Over the years, I’ve worked with many business owners, and I often hear the same thing.
“We’re together all day, every day, but somehow we don’t feel connected anymore.”
At first, that sounds strange. Surely spending more time together should strengthen your relationship?
Not necessarily, because spending time together isn’t the same as emotionally connecting. Somewhere between meetings, emails, staff issues, cash flow, deadlines and dinner, many couples stop being partners and start becoming work colleagues.
Every conversation revolves around work. Who’s calling the client? Did you pay that invoice? What time is tomorrow’s meeting? Did the order arrive?
Before you know it, you’re lying in bed discussing tomorrow’s to-do list instead of asking each other, “How are you really doing?”
The business has become the centre of the relationship and the relationship slowly moves to the outside.
The Relationship Comes Second
Businesses demand attention and they reward hard work, long hours and constant problem-solving. It’s easy to believe that if you just push through this busy season, you’ll have more time for each other later.
The problem is, later often never comes.
I’ve seen first-hand doing marriage counselling for 18 years; relationships don’t usually fall apart overnight. They slowly drift apart through small moments of neglect.
One missed conversation, a cancelled date night, another evening spent answering emails and one more weekend talking about work. It’s rarely one big event; it’s the gradual loss of friendship.
What The Research Discovered
Drs. John and Julie Gottman have spent more than four decades researching what makes relationships succeed.
One of their biggest discoveries is that the foundation of every healthy relationship isn’t passion.
It’s friendship.
Not the kind of friendship where you simply get along, but a deep understanding of each other’s inner world.
The Gottman’s call these Love Maps.
A Love Map means knowing what’s happening in your partner’s life.
What are they worried about, excited about, what are they dreaming of?
What’s been stressing them lately?
When couples work together, they often assume they know each other because they spend so much time together.
Ironically, they often know everything about the business and very little about what’s happening inside each other’s inner world.
How to Leave Work at Work
Don’t Stop Dating Your Business Partner
Think back to when you first met. As a relationship specialist, I enjoy this part of my coaching.
You were curious and you asked questions, laughed, flirted and you looked forward to spending time together.
Now ask yourself…
When was the last time you spent an evening together without talking about work?
When did you last ask your partner a question simply because you were curious about them—not because you needed information?
Healthy couples continue discovering each other. They never stop learning. People grow and dreams change and stress changes us. If we stop checking in with each other, we slowly become strangers living under the same roof.
Small Moments Matter More Than Grand Gestures
Many people believe they need expensive holidays or romantic weekends away to reconnect. While they’re lovely, they’re not what predicts long-term relationship success. The Gottman’s research found that relationships are built through what they call bids for connection.
A bid can be incredibly small.
“Come and look at the rainbow.” “I’ve had an exhausting day.” “Can you give me a hug?”
“Listen to this funny story.”
Every day, couples make hundreds of these tiny bids and healthy couples notice them. They turn towards each other instead of away.
When you’re immersed in business, it’s easy to miss them. You’re answering emails while your partner is trying to tell you about their day. You’re mentally solving tomorrow’s problem while they’re asking for a cuddle.
These moments seem insignificant, but over time they become the emotional glue that keeps relationships strong.
Create Rituals That Separate Work From Home
One of my favourite Gottman concepts is Rituals of Connection. These are intentional habits that help couples reconnect throughout the day.
For couples who work together, these rituals become even more important because there isn’t a natural separation between work and home.
Create a transition.
Maybe you both change out of your work clothes before dinner. Perhaps you take a walk and talk before dinner. Maybe you sit on the deck with a cup of tea and agree that business is off limits for the evening.
These rituals tell your nervous system that work has finished and now you’re partners again.
Learn the Art of the Stress-Reducing Conversation
Another Gottman tool I encourage in my relationship coaching is for couples to use the Stress-Reducing Conversation.
The purpose isn’t to solve problems. It’s simply to listen.
Each partner gets the opportunity to talk about the stresses of their day while the other listens with empathy. No fixing, advising, interrupting, just listening.
Business owners are natural problem-solvers. It’s one of the reasons they’ve been successful but what works in business doesn’t always work in relationships.
Sometimes your partner isn’t asking for a solution; they’re asking to feel understood.
Protect the Relationship That Built the Business
Your business may be one of your greatest achievements. But chances are, it was built on the foundation of your relationship. Protect that foundation and celebrate wins together.
- Laugh together.
- Go on dates.
- Dream about life beyond work.
- Ask questions that have nothing to do with business.
- Put your phones away.
- Remember why you chose each other long before you chose this business.
Success isn’t just measured by profit, growth or turnover. It’s also measured by whether you still enjoy coming home to the person you built it all with. At the end of the day, businesses can always be rebuilt. A relationship takes much longer to repair if it’s been neglected for years.
So don’t wait until disconnection becomes a crisis.
Nurture your friendship every day.
Because the strongest businesses are often built by couples who remember that before they were colleagues, they were partners.
About the Author
Helen Harrison is a Relationship and Personal Growth Specialist born out of her own lived experiences and with more than 18 years’ experience helping individuals and couples create healthier, more connected relationships. A best-selling author on Amazon and top three marriage counsellors since 2019, Helen combines counselling, psychotherapy & coaching with evidence-based approaches, to help people break unhealthy patterns, strengthen communication and build relationships that thrive both at home and in business.
To learn more, visit www.powerofchange.com.au.
