In small business, it’s often common that life partners and spouses work together in the business. This can work extremely well, or less so, depending on how you approach the business relationship and how you treat each other. I’m no marriage counsellor, but as a Business Coach, I guide people on how to deal with co-workers and business partners – whether that’s life partners, spouses, siblings, children or even purely business partners who don’t have a personal relationship with each other behind the scenes.
How to Work Successfully with Spouse or Family Member
Clarify how the business will run
If you’re business (rather than life) partners, then you need to be very clear up front about how the business will operate, profit sharing, loss sharing, contributions and what each business partner will bring to the table. I highly recommend you have a Partnership Agreement and cover everything up front. Clarity and specificity will make your lives so much easier in the long term.
For life partners, spouses or family members joining the business – how will that look?
Again, there needs to be clarity around how the other person will be involved in the business. Let’s look at a typical trade business where the hubby is the tradie running the operational side of the business, but would like his wife to help out. You both should discuss what tasks need to be done. What time expectation is there, and how will that fit in with other commitments, such as a full-time job she might already have, or the 4 children under 10 years of age she is managing, along with the two dogs and an aged parent?
Does she even want to be involved, or really is being ‘bullied’ into it? Does she have the skills for the tasks she is being expected to do? For example, she may have been a nurse in her career and has no idea how to do the bookkeeping and Xero. Will you provide training for her, or simply throw her in the deep end and then get upset because mistakes occurred?
One client said to me that he wanted to give his mum a job and thought maybe as the bookkeeper, even though mum had no previous experience in bookkeeping. I asked this client, “If it doesn’t work out, are you prepared to sack your mum?” Whilst employing family is good for them, it might not be good for your business, or fair to the rest of the team. I remember when one of my sons who was working for me suggested my Assistant do his timesheet for him; and I said (as I would to any employee) – “if you don’t complete your timesheet, you don’t get paid”. I was firm and that son is now very successful in his career, as this was very much a teachable moment.
Treat each other with respect always!
You would never, or rather should never, speak to an employee poorly, abuse them, yell at them or disrespect them. The same goes for a business partner, spouse, sibling or other family member who works for you. You should treat them as well as any employee when at work. They should be respected, listened to, given training, have reasonable expectations and not be demanded to work Sunday morning because they are at home and you want to get something done. You wouldn’t do that to an employee (unless you wanted to pay double time in overtime), so don’t have unreasonable expectations of those who are even closer to you.
Define everyone’s roles
Just as any employee should have a Position Description, so should both business owners, partners or family working in the business. Each person should have quite distinct duties. Don’t make this vague, like “we both look after finances”, which could mean that the super doesn’t get paid, or no-one spoke to the accountant about lodging the tax returns because each person assumed the other was doing it. When determining the roles each person will have, be sure to leverage each person’s strengths and abilities; there is no point allocating say sales to the person who is scared of selling and hates it. Be realistic; can the task be trained, or are they not the right person for that role or task?
Part of role clarification should also be assigning who has final decision-making power around specific areas of the business. Will one person be in charge of marketing and sales or finances and another is responsible for operations? If you’re not responsible for that segment of the business, then be sure you only support that person in their role, don’t become someone who micromanages. This goes with any team member – delegate, train, support and then give them room to do their job.
Tied in with this is reporting. If you’re the partner responsible for the finances, then you should be providing financial reports to the other person at least each month, just as any business partner would. Reporting and communication should be transparent, clear and consistent. Even if things are not going well, nothing should be hidden from the other person; share the problem, along with hopefully a proposed solution.
Set boundaries at work
When you’re at work (if you both work in the same workplace), then be sure that you don’t have personal conversations at work and especially in front of staff or clients. Even more important is not to fight in front of staff or clients – in other words, don’t fight in front of the ‘kids’. I’ve known businesses who have lost wonderful team, because they could no longer stand hearing the personal spats, fights and derogatory comments anymore, or worse, being asked whose side they take. Don’t bring that behaviour to the office or the workplace – in fact, you really probably need to see a marriage counsellor if that’s what is happening at home.
Setting boundaries at home and around personal time
It’s super important that you set boundaries at home and curfews to talk ‘shop’ (business). Each situation is different; if you’re driving home together in the car for ½ hour, then that’s a great time to debrief and cover off on updates, queries and clarifications. If, however, one works at home but the other drives, then, if possible, the home person might ring the other to use that travel time for this purpose. Another strategy might be to have selected ‘work time’ which works for both; it might be before dinner, or first thing in the day, BUT be sure that you both agree with the time and stick to it.
You should never be talking work/business when one person is having a shower, or in the bedroom, or whilst one person is trying to watch a TV program. You need work time, but you definitely need non-work time too. Remember also to understand that sometimes one (or both) of the parties needs to vent. Be clear it’s a vent, and you’re not looking for a business solution.
As per Helen Harrison’s previous blog on this site around marital relationships in the workplace, be sure to have personal trips and personal relationship time. Date night is not about talking about work, and really probably shouldn’t be only talking about the kids – learn to talk to each other and keep the spark in your relationship.
And if things are not working …
Firstly, do try to talk about what is frustrating you and work to see if there is a good solution that will work for both parties as well as the business. However, if you can’t make it work, then maybe you need to discuss one person leaving the business in order to save the marriage or relationship. Businesses can come and go, but marriages and great relationships need to be protected. If the marriage breaks down, reality is this will have a negative impact on the business anyway … so don’t go there.
As a business coach, I don’t help clients with their marriages, but I do help them with their business relationships, communication, systems, processes and addressing problems and challenges within a business. I’m impartial but experienced and often help business partners improve their working business relationship. If you’d like to know more about my business or life coaching services, or any aspect of business, such as sales, marketing, money, finances, systems etc … then just reach out here. My passion is your potential!
